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How To Know An Abusive Partner



Intimate partner violence is any act, attempt or threat of force or violence by either a family member or intimate partner. It can be towards either yourself or another person you’re in an intimate relationship with. It is what we used to know as Domestic violence. This is in part due to more people accepting the stereotype that abusers are male and victims are female isn’t always true.

Abuse can take on many forms including physical, sexual, psychological or verbal. It can include using abusive words, teasing, dehumanizing comments or physical force including punching and kicking. Intimate partner violence does not require sexual intimacy.

What are the signs of  intimate partner violence?

Controlling behavior

When a person limits their partner’s contact with other people. They tell you whom to talk to and who you shouldn’t talk to. They monitor your every move. They show intense jealousy when you spend time with others or even smile at others. They are good stalkers. They are highly insecure. They hardly trust their partners. This leads them into having controlling behavior.


When a person breaks or smashes items in anger, destroys their partner’s property or displays weapons. They try to show you that they are in charge by destroying their properties or they form the habit of locking their partners up whenever they are angry.


When a person makes threats to harm their partner or retaliate for something that was previously done.

Verbal and emotional abuse.

This is quite common. some who do not physically abuse their partners would use verbal abuse and emotional abuse. some would refuse to give their spouses cash for home keep, some would dress seductively but will refuse to give their partners sex. When a person berates their partner, calls them names or plays mind games with the intent of controlling their behavior.

How to get out of an abusive relationship

  • First of all, believe that you deserve better. You deserve a peaceful and happy relationship. Don’t tell yourself that your partner will change or believe that you can change them. Demand to be treated with respect.
  • Get legal protection. Place a restraining order  that would prevent an abusive partner from coming close.
  • Contact any organizations that are involved in helping victims of abuse.
  • Elicit the help of a trusted family member, friend, coworker or neighbor about your situation and develop a plan of escape.
  • Keep a record of all violent incidences. Note all dates, events, and threats made.
  • Keep any evidence of physical abuse, such as pictures.
  • Hide an extra set of car keys.
  • Set money aside. Ask friends or family members to hold money for you.
  • Pack a bag and be ready to leave at a moment’s notice. Include anything that is important to you, such as identification, car title, birth certificates, social security cards, credit cards, clothes for yourself and your children, shoes, medications, banking information, money and important phone numbers.        



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